This post was written Wednesday, March 13th, lest you think A slept so soundly last night.
By some stroke of good fortune, Ailie slept last night. I put her in her crib slightly awake around 7:40. At midnight, I woke in a panic and crept to her room.
I went back to bed, and woke again at 4:40 or so.
That baby was just beginning to stir. HUZZAH!
I journeyed to her room, nursed her, then placed her gingerly back in her crib.
At 8:30, both of my dudes were just beginning to wake up. Can you imagine it?!
Having been up since 4:40, I got a lot of writing done. Around 7, I headed back into bed with a cup of decaf coffee and my Kindle. I began reading Intuitive Eating, and within 40 minutes, I felt lighter.
My bestie Gretchen Rubin is always telling me not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
When it came to food? I wasn’t listening.
So far, I’ve learned that I am a “careful eater”. Check it out.
I’ve been working so hard to eat only wholesome foods, that when I slip up, I slip-up BIG. I’ve got what the authors describe as “last supper” mentality. The “diet” will start again tomorrow, so I’ll just eat every last morsel of Carvel tonight. Then, I’ll be angry with myself for showing poor self-discipline. The third principle of Intuitive Eating:
Make Peace with Food. Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing. When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
Can I get an AMEN?
For serious: I stopped making breakfast smoothies regularly around the time I got very serious about losing the baby weight. I reasoned that I wanted something heartier in the AM, and the smoothies were just not cutting it.
Today? I made myself a delicious drink: almond milk, spinach, strawberries, blueberries, banana, flax, truvia. AND: I made myself two slices of Ezekial bread, which I covered with a bit of peanut butter and honey.
I was extremely satiated, and guilt-free. Perhaps there were more calories there than I ought to have consumed, but I make poor decisions when I allow myself to get too hungry, and I have all day to use that energy.
For snack, H and I packed cheesesticks and clementines to eat at the playground.
For lunch, I came in and dumped everything I could think of into this salad:
Spinach, herb mix, salmon, tomatoes, avocado, feta, celery, and dried cranberries. I tossed it with Lite Caesar dressing that is in no way real-food approved, but my mama bought it when she was in town and it is delicious, btw. I didn’t overdo it. I also never wanted that salad to end. I enjoyed it watching “How to Succeed in Business, Draper-Style” on my Mad Men Season 4 DVD.
Alas, the salad was eventually depleted and I needed another snack (lest you forget, I’m still a nursing mama), so I chose almonds and raisins, an old staple.
Then I came downstairs to a kitchen disaster, but felt COMPELLED to come into the study and write.
You see, I’ve been limiting and berating myself a lot about food. I’ve been eating emotionally. I’ve been knocking back a half-a-bag of chocolate chips in a sitting because of that “last supper” mentality: tomorrow, I eat clean again, so today, I feast.
Freeing myself of the burden to eat perfectly makes me want to eat better. Because the chocolate will be there. And it’s okay to eat a piece here and there. I don’t need to stuff it all down my gullet so tomorrow I can be a better person.
I can’t wait to read the rest of this book, friends, but I predict some very, very good things.
Still working for me, friends. I’ve made myself one-egg “omelettes” for breakfast the last two mornings, with some cheese and spinach and tomatoes. Great way to start the day, with a little peanut butter toast for good measure. Yesterday we took my grandfather to our local Mexican joint for lunch, and I enjoyed the hell out of some chicken enchiladas.
Last night, I went with a dinner of Mediterranean turkey meatloaf, steamed carrots, buttery-garlic orzo, and a large salad of mixed greens, tomatoes, cranberries, pecans, and feta, tossed with a bit of EVOO and red raspberry vinegar (no photos because that stuff was devoured practically as it was being placed on the table). We ate outside in our backyard thanks to some glorious Texas weather. I was a never a huge fan of eating outdoors, but lately, as we sit with the kids in the warm sun, listening to the sounds of the pool and the breeze, I find dining becomes an almost spiritual experience. Perhaps because we have more room and don’t mind when Hendrik gets down to run around and play, hands covered in ketchup and mustard. We’re more relaxed, and that makes us much happier, even as J goes in to clean the dishes, complaining that once again I’ve used every pan we own to create a meal.
It’s the little things.