My poor little man is on the mend after being sick (fever, cough, boogers galore) since Christmas Eve morning; today, I finally succumbed to some strain of whatever he had. My head is stuffy and aching, my throat is sore, and we’re running out of tissues in this house. Should make for a fun little Saturday as J is working on a construction project (our second floor patio) ALL day.
Alas, fitness has not been high on the priority list this week. Apart from Christmas fun (though because H was so ill, we had to stay quarantined for the holiday), sick babies, unseasonably cold and snowy weather in Dallas, and too many holiday treats, my neck is STILL not quite right (though I’d say 90% currently). Hopefully it will be back to normal by January 1: I envision a long New Year’s run to kick off the year right.
This Week’s Weight Loss: 1.2 pounds
Weight Loss Since Blog’s Inception: 13.6
Weight Loss Since Ailie’s Birth: 41.4
But what I have been doing from the couch is brainstorming. I love New Year’s resolutions. I live for a clean slate, and I’ll forever ignore the many articles that are published each year about how resolutions don’t work and are abandoned by January 3rd, etc.
I know I’ll never stop trying to improve myself.
This upcoming year, I have many, many goals. I’m currently working out how to organize them into monthly challenges. I’m also intent on developing a mantra for 2013. I haven’t settled on any one yet, but I’m sure it will be something akin to: NO FEAR.
It occurred to me lying in bed the other night that my constant worrying – this state of high anxiety I seem to exist in daily – is not only troubling, but positively toxic for my health, my children, and my relationship. I thought about myself over the years. I’ve always worried. I became a hypochondriac reading a book my mom had on childhood illnesses when I was 8 or 9. I distinctly remember requesting that my stepfather take my temperature. I had just learned that a low-grade fever could be indicative of leukemia.
When I was 14 I went through a dark period when I suddenly realized that everyone I love – including myself – would eventually die. I made for a really fun houseguest that summer at my grandparents in Colorado, as I was convinced that the plane would crash on our return flight. Seriously.
The best thing that can happen to someone prone to anxiety is some serious trauma, right? Enter 2001. I lived through September 11th across the street from the Towers; then, at the end of the school year we had a two-alarm fire in our apartment building. We evacuated down the fire escape and a firetruck ladder from the 16th floor after a drunken night on the town. A few weeks later, living in temporary housing, one of our fellow students jumped off of our former building a few days before our graduation. As a Resident Assistant – expected to be in a position of authority – these events took an enormous toll. Don’t you wish we could have hung out in my early twenties?
I did A LOT of work. Therapy; moves; breaking off toxic relationships, etc. I was starting to become the optimist I had once considered myself to be (in between my bouts of madness), when I had babies.
Lord, the babies. There is no calamity that I cannot conjure befalling my precious son and daughter. And myself, of course, since I am charged with raising them, and really, really want to see that through.
(And don’t get me started on FOOD. Michael Pollan – bless his heart – has terrified me to the core.)
(And recalls! Did you know that all of your children’s toys and gadgets and furniture will eventually try to kill them?)
This is what goes on in my brain.
And I am going to STOP it.
I recently read a cute little anecdote that went something like this:
Man 1: Did you have a nice flight?
Man 2: No – it was awful! I spent the entire time fretting just to keep the plane in the air!
I know what that man was talking about.
And I am DETERMINED to stop it.
To this end, I’m done with local news. Local news does nothing but scare the BEJESUS out of you by telling you what to fear. Have you listened to the teasers lately? I’ll tell you, I majored in journalism in college. I always thought I’d be an on-air personality. Then I interned at a news station in Philadelphia, where the motto was: If it bleeds, it leads (said with a maniacal chuckle). Check out this article by Psychology Today for more on that charming mantra.
So no more local news, or morning news shows, for that matter. I’ll miss you, Robin Roberts, but the true crime and endless reports on dangers in our food, water, streets, theaters, schools, and parks is too demoralizing for yours truly. As I have to know about global issues (being a concerned citizen and a graduate student) I’m sticking to one news source: the BBC. Bonus: charming English accents! Cheerio!
I’ve already deleted the 6ABC Philadelphia news app from my phone. I challenge you to check that out one day, just for “fun.” It is murder, rape, assault, and kidnapping every minute of every day, with a little sports chat thrown in for good measure.
Why do we consume it? Why do we accept it? Similarly, this is why I refuse to buy a tabloid. I don’t want to be part of a smarmy machine. There are some things I do not need to know.
So NO FEAR will be the overarching mantra of 2013 here. I’ve already gotten many ideas jotted down on how to accomplish this. I’ve also taken a cue from my bestie (in my mind) Gretchen Rubin: I’ve divided the months into themes and listed things I want to accomplish monthly (and possibly continue throughout the year). January’s theme is: Food and Fitness. February’s is Love. I’ll share all of these resolutions with you on January 1, and I’ll track my progress here for the next 365.
I’m ready! Are you? What are you planning to do differently in 2013?